{"id":3546,"date":"2017-05-15T19:12:39","date_gmt":"2017-05-15T19:12:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.vincentroccovargas.com\/?p=3546"},"modified":"2023-11-07T19:51:27","modified_gmt":"2023-11-07T19:51:27","slug":"belle-made-man","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/2017\/05\/15\/belle-made-man\/","title":{"rendered":"How Belle Made a Man Out of Me: Child #1"},"content":{"rendered":"

I have\u00a0six kids and I don’t play favorites, but I can identify how each child has changed me and made me a better person. This is about Belle and how she made me the man I am today.<\/span><\/p>\n

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She was born November 19, 2002. It was an awkward time in my life of trying to hold on to the dream of being a baseball player, an almost impossible dream, and knowing she would be coming into this world soon. I was eight states away and she was going to be without her father at the moment of her birth.<\/span><\/p>\n

Her mother and I weren’t together and our only communication was for Belle\u2019s benefit.<\/span><\/p>\n

She called me from the hospital the day after she was born, but it would be another two weeks before I could gather the money for a plane ticket to see my baby girl.<\/span><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, when I first saw her she was back in the hospital due to an infection.<\/span><\/p>\n

She had all kinds of wires attached to her and was dehydrated and needed fluid. When the nurse missed six times trying to find a vein for an IV, I was furious.<\/span><\/p>\n

I didn’t understand what came over me. Her mother asked me to leave the room when she saw I was getting angry. She was right; I wanted to punch everyone in the room. I barely knew this little girl, but I was willing to give my life for her. It didn’t really hit me before, it wasn’t until I saw her with my own eyes that something changed in me.<\/span><\/p>\n

I reflected on my life and what I was doing. I was playing baseball in Kentucky holding onto a dream I knew was far beyond my grasp at that time. Like a fighter still trying to be a champ one day, but knowing he is too far past his prime. I had to let go, but couldn’t. I knew she needed a Daddy to do dad shit, but I was 21 years old and self-absorbed. But when I held her, when I finally kissed her forehead, I knew life would never be the same.<\/span><\/p>\n

They say kids change you and I can say I didn’t really think it would, or felt that I needed to change at that time, but I was wrong. From the moment we met, I knew I had to protect her.<\/span><\/p>\n

She was released from the hospital and her mom let me take Isabella home for a few days. It was amazing and hell all in one big bundle of stress and love. It was in those few days that I first understood how important it was that I needed to be a better man. I needed to be great for her because that’s what she deserved.<\/span><\/p>\n

This little girl being born was essentially the beginning of the man you see today. My daughter Isabella is the foundation for me becoming a real man. She was beautiful, delicate, and smart, and everything I wasn’t. At two years old she could speak in complete sentences. She said \u201cThank you\u201d and \u201cPlease\u201d for everything. The sweetest little girl I had ever met. She was bald until she was almost 3 years old, we had to tape a bow to her head and dress her in pink so people wouldn’t call her a boy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

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I was forced out of College due to academic ineligibility and decided my next move was the Military. I knew two things: my baby girl needed money and I needed to grow up. I joined the Infantry fully knowing the potential to be thrown into combat, but that didn’t worry me. If the unfortunate happened and I didn’t make it back alive, my baby would have 400k in the bank and a father who was a hero.<\/span><\/p>\n

I can honestly tell you that’s how I was thinking during those times. I didn’t think highly of myself, I only knew one thing my whole life and it was Baseball, so I wasn’t sure if I was even going to be good at the Military.<\/span><\/p>\n

But in every course and every mission she was on my mind. I would think about how proud of me she would be. I would envision her clapping while I crossed an imaginary stage and I could see her eyes and that she was so proud of her father. That thought would always bring a smile to my face. My motivation was to see her smile with pride because \u2018Big Papi\u2019 is her father.<\/span><\/p>\n

I missed birthdays, her ballet recitals, when she skinned her knees, and the checking for monsters under her bed. Years of going on deployments didn\u2019t change how I felt about her; I still had nothing but love for this little girl, she was my heart and soul, the reason for always trying to be the best.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

She is 13 years old going on 20. We talk about all the awkward subjects like boys, religion, and life. I do everything I can to be the most truthful person in her world. I hold no punches in any subject, no matter how crazy the question is. Our relationship has blossomed into something any father would strive for.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I can see the true love for me in her eyes and respect for the way I provide for her and her siblings, and the sacrifices I have made to give her the childhood she deserves. She is a natural leader, a kind nurturer, and she even delegates the chores to her younger brothers and sisters.<\/span><\/p>\n

For all the years I was gone, for all those important days I missed and can never get back, for not being there to tuck you in at night and tell you a story and for it taking so many years for you to really know me, and for how long it took me to make you laugh like I know you deserved to, I am sorry.<\/span><\/p>\n

Thank you for giving me another chance when I came home for good. Thank you for being the reason I am what I am today, for being your dad. To my sweet angel Belle, if not for you I would have never made it, I would have never grown up.<\/span><\/p>\n

Belle, you are the foundation of this family, you brought out the best in your daddy at a time I needed the more push… you weren’t big enough to know this and maybe I have never told you. But thank you for making your daddy feel super natural knowing you were who I would get to come home to… knowing you are the reason I put myself through so much pain. It’s been an honor to watch you grow into the amazing little woman you are today. Thank you for everything! I hope I have done enough as a father and provider.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have\u00a0six kids and I don’t play favorites, but I can identify how each child has changed me and made me a better person. This is about Belle and how she made me the man I am today. She was born November 19, 2002. It was an awkward time in my life of trying to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3543,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3546","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/05\/IMG_0330-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3546","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3546"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3546\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4861,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3546\/revisions\/4861"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3543"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3546"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3546"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3546"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}