Retired Sergeant First Class Vincent \u201cRocco\u201d Vargas has some unexpected advice for civilians who want to know what they can do to help make it easier for veterans returning home:<\/p>\n
\u201cNothing\u2026You\u2019re helping too much!\u201d<\/p>\n
A former Army Ranger, Vargas learned many lessons the hard way about transitioning from the military to the civilian world, and he shares them whenever he has the chance. His is a unique \u201cno excuses\u201d approach that calls on veterans first and foremost to be accountable for themselves, to drop the entitlement, and not to expect so much gratitude, praise, and handouts.<\/p>\n
\u201cIf we joined for the 10-percent discount, then we joined for the wrong reason. We can\u2019t assume everyone owes us a handshake and a free meal. Get up, look yourself in the mirror and ask \u2018What am I doing wrong, and how do I fix it?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n
Vargas, who served three tours of duty, is passionate about helping veterans navigate what is often a very difficult transition. It comes down, he\u2019s found, to four things: identity, direction, purpose, and balance<\/strong>.<\/p>\n In the military, everyone has a clear identity<\/strong> \u2014 infantryman, pilot, nurse, mechanic \u2014 and service members identify closely with their roles and units. As an Army Ranger, Vargas was part of a very elite, small community that few others \u2013 civilian or military \u2013 could relate to. He worked as a prison guard and then a border patrol agent, and while both had a similar kind of cohesiveness, it wasn\u2019t the same \u2013 they just didn\u2019t understand who he was and where he was coming from.<\/p>\n \u201cI expected everyone to know what I\u2019d done, to be proud of me, to put me high on a pedestal. I was an Army Ranger. I had no one else in my little community in my head, and I realized that was the worst way to think. I felt isolated and alone.\u201d<\/p>\n Don\u2019t let your military service define you, he cautions. Turn to other parts of your life to find new ways to identify yourself. For him, it\u2019s as a baseball player, Army Ranger, writer, producer, entertainer, and father.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have so many chapters in our books, and we have to turn the page, take the stuff in old chapters, and carry it into the new ones.\u201d<\/p>\n Moving into those new chapters successfully, Vargas says, requires direction<\/strong> \u2014 something that\u2019s served up like daily rations in the military.<\/p>\n \u201dI was told exactly what wear, when to wake up, when I\u2019m going to eat, and if I step out of line, I get yelled at.\u201d<\/p>\n But once he got out, he was his own commanding officer, setting his own schedule, and in charge of motivating himself. And like many, Vargas found that lack of direction nearly paralyzing. He would push things off until the next day, and the day after that, eventually becoming out of shape and depressed. So he channeled the discipline the military instilled him him, and decided to give himself small, manageable missions every day. Those small missions added up to a a larger change.<\/p>\n \u201cI said, I want to see my abs again, and that turned into a lifestyle of wanting to be in shape. I said I want to hug my children tighter and longer, and that led to being a better father. \u201c<\/p>\n Take what the military instilled in you \u2014 motivation, punctuality, determination, whatever \u2014 and use those to direct you.<\/p>\n Find your purpose<\/strong>, what energizes you, Vargas urges. He finds his in his four children, in being an entertainer, a veterans\u2019 advocate, and most recently in Article 15, a clothing business he owns and operates with fellow veterans.<\/p>\n Vargas cautions though, that purpose and passion have to be in balance<\/strong> with the rest of life, especially family. Walking back in the door after being away from your family is difficult for so many veterans. Spouses at home take over all of the once-shared duties, and have a new routine that you\u2019re not a part of, says Vargas.<\/p>\n \u201cWhen you come home, you\u2019re out of place. Life has been going on without you. My wife was bringing out the trash instead of me. And then you come in and try to take over overnight. It\u2019s hard.\u201d<\/p>\n His is one of the many marriages that did not survive the transition. Now, he knows \u2013 and encourages others \u2013 to say no to work more often, and yes to family.<\/p>\n What about the veterans who say they can\u2019t seem to bring themselves to follow Vargas\u2019 tough love advice? Get help, he says. Take advantage of the many resources available, whether it\u2019s for PTSD, survivor\u2019s guilt, or a traumatic brain injury.<\/p>\n \u201cThere are so many resources and groups, why don\u2019t more veterans use them?\u201d<\/p>\n Most importantly, Vargas stresses, don\u2019t quit. If one therapy or treatment isn\u2019t working, keep trying. It\u2019s part the Army Ranger Creed, which he still reads often.<\/p>\n \u201cSurrender is not a Ranger word.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n No excuses, Vargas says. After all, so many didn\u2019t have the chance to transition home.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ve been given the opportunity to live life. Use it.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Retired Sergeant First Class Vincent \u201cRocco\u201d Vargas has some unexpected advice for civilians who want to know what they can do to help make it easier for veterans returning home: \u201cNothing\u2026You\u2019re helping too much!\u201d A former Army Ranger, Vargas learned many lessons the hard way about transitioning from the military to the civilian world, and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":3585,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3312","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-general"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/09\/IMG_0171-1.jpg","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3312","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3312"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3312\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4502,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3312\/revisions\/4502"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/3585"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3312"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3312"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/vincentroccovargas.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3312"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}