To my Girls:

I want to say sorry, I never fully understood the influence it would have raising you in mma gym. I was a young dad making decisions I hoped would never steer you in a direction that could bring harm to y’all.

You are ladies, I should have thought twice before strapping on the gloves and having you spar at a young age. Girls shouldn’t do BJJ they said… being comfortable wearing fight shorts and a baggy shirt and eventually you asking to join the boys on the wrestling mats…

I am sorry. It was never my place to guide you that way. Victims of circumstance. Former Drill Sergeant and Army Ranger I was formed to be an instructor to all my subordinates even y’all.

“Dad, I am being bullied.” Was a term I never wanted to hear… Was a comment that could potentially pop the top and bring back a version of me left in war. So we trained, we sparred, we sprawled and we wrestled.

It’s been an honor to watch the growth, it’s been a burden to witness your losses…

I am not sorry for accidentally making you a person who is confident, who can protect themselves, who is willing to charge into battle.

And I am not sorry for the woman that will be released into the world.

I never expected to be watching my daughters wrestle. Its outside the box of what I expected when having girls.

My princesses equipped with their own brawn…

Dads lack of a delicate touch and complete disregard for tea parties has made a monster out of y’all.

Genuinely I never knew what the outcome would be raising you kids in a culture of boxing , mixed martial arts and wrestling.

Now tomorrow comes another big tournament. Something you been training for and still the odds are stacked against y’all.

It’s 12am and as the hours pass I can only think of ways to protect you from the failure that potentially awaits… Its not that I am not confident in your skills and ability, I have just been trained to prepare for the worst and hope for the best…

I can’t sleep. The world’s deepest breath and slowest exhale’s is all I have to comfort this restless night while my mind pours out concerns…

Have I done my best this season. Have I given them enough time? Did I push them too hard? did i not push them enough?

I know how bad you want it, and know how much harder this is going to be if you don’t accomplish what your hearts set out for.

I feel those moment more then you will ever know…

I carry your losses, I have emotionally gathered your tears, and memorized the painful looks on your faces after hard fought battles.

These moments of adversity are why I lose sleep tonight…

It’s healthy for you to experience….

but it’s hell on me…

Good luck tomorrow girls…

You have made this stressed out, sleepless ,scared father extremely proud!